FebruaryFeb 24 Wednesday 10
“Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard and then threw to commercial. Somebody help me.”
JanuaryJan 8 Friday 10
“Vampire penguins? Zombie guinea pigs? We're done for.... done for.”
“Don't leave the duck there. It's totally irresponsible. Put it on the swing, it'll have much more fun.”
DecemberDec 14 Monday 09
“Your designs are too pretty, too beautiful looking. I need them to look more like I designed them. For example, instead of using a green box to highlight a chunk of copy, instead I would put green trees all over the page. You should try and be more creative like me and stop trying to make everything look so good all the time.”
NovemberNov 24 Tuesday 09
“QUESTION: How many little kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb? ANSWER: Wanna go bike riding?”
“I already know what I want for the logo. It's a house, with a face, and it's on wheels with an exhaust pipe coming out of the back which is shooting out smoke in the shape of dollar signs.”
SeptemberSep 15 Tuesday 09
“(404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. "i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn".”
AugustAug 26 Wednesday 09
“(505): Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time”
AugustAug 25 Tuesday 09
“Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.”
JulyJul 1 Wednesday 09
“Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.”
Howard Aiken (via strimble)
JuneJun 23 Tuesday 09
“We're ready to tackle the morning, roundhouse kick the afternoon in the face, and make sweet, sweet love to the evening.”
MayMay 21 Thursday 09
“Enough is Enough! I have had it with these Monkey-Fightin' snakes on this Monday to Friday plane! Everybody strap in. I'm about to open some freakin' windows.”
“Powdered sugar is the glitter of food.”
MayMay 12 Tuesday 09
“I always find it important to taste milk using high-quality stemware -- this is milk deserving of something better than a Flintstones plastic tumbler.”
Amazon.com: Philip Tone's review of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz
MayMay 5 Tuesday 09
“(702): What? How drunk are you?
(1-702): elementary watson bafflding! I going to go live inthe fridge wit the polar bears. write me. postage costs xtra in kichenaides.”
AprilApr 30 Thursday 09
“Smug early birds take note: Night owls actually have more mental stamina than those who awaken at the crack of dawn, according to new research.”
AprilApr 27 Monday 09
“(202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.”
AprilApr 23 Thursday 09
“Was there anything in your childhood that led you to want to destroy civilization as we know it?”
AprilApr 3 Friday 09