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FebruaryFeb 24 Wednesday 10

Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard and then threw to commercial. Somebody help me.

Twitter / Conan O'Brien

JanuaryJan 8 Friday 10

Vampire penguins? Zombie guinea pigs? We're done for.... done for.

Sleep Talkin' Man

Don't leave the duck there. It's totally irresponsible. Put it on the swing, it'll have much more fun.

Sleep Talkin' Man

DecemberDec 14 Monday 09

Your designs are too pretty, too beautiful looking. I need them to look more like I designed them. For example, instead of using a green box to highlight a chunk of copy, instead I would put green trees all over the page. You should try and be more creative like me and stop trying to make everything look so good all the time.

Clients From Hell

NovemberNov 24 Tuesday 09

QUESTION: How many little kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb? ANSWER: Wanna go bike riding?

Twitter / Owl City

I already know what I want for the logo. It's a house, with a face, and it's on wheels with an exhaust pipe coming out of the back which is shooting out smoke in the shape of dollar signs.

Clients From Hell : Logo with Flare

OctoberOct 12 Monday 09

Real web designers write code. Always have, always will.

Jeffrey Zeldman

SeptemberSep 15 Tuesday 09

(404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. "i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn".

texts from last night

AugustAug 26 Wednesday 09

(505): Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time

texts from last night

AugustAug 25 Tuesday 09

Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.

twitter.com/shitmydadsays

JulyJul 1 Wednesday 09

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.

Howard Aiken (via strimble)

JuneJun 23 Tuesday 09

We're ready to tackle the morning, roundhouse kick the afternoon in the face, and make sweet, sweet love to the evening.

Funny or Die

MayMay 21 Thursday 09

Enough is Enough! I have had it with these Monkey-Fightin' snakes on this Monday to Friday plane! Everybody strap in. I'm about to open some freakin' windows.

Samuel L Jackson - Snakes on a Plane - The TV Edit

Powdered sugar is the glitter of food.

Jim Gaffigan

MayMay 12 Tuesday 09

I always find it important to taste milk using high-quality stemware -- this is milk deserving of something better than a Flintstones plastic tumbler.

Amazon.com: Philip Tone's review of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz

MayMay 5 Tuesday 09

(702): What? How drunk are you?
(1-702): elementary watson bafflding! I going to go live inthe fridge wit the polar bears. write me. postage costs xtra in kichenaides.

via texts from last night

AprilApr 30 Thursday 09

Smug early birds take note: Night owls actually have more mental stamina than those who awaken at the crack of dawn, according to new research.

globeandmail.com: Want to get ahead? Sleep in

AprilApr 27 Monday 09

(202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.

texts from last night

AprilApr 23 Thursday 09

Was there anything in your childhood that led you to want to destroy civilization as we know it?

Maureen Dowd

AprilApr 3 Friday 09

Today, I tasted the rainbow. By that, I mean a homeless man hit me in the face with a bag of Skittles for not giving him money. FML

by rovery on fmylife.com

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